Close Call

Woah...

I was at a four-way stop sign yesterday, on my way home from work, when the vehicle to my left was slammed from behind.  No squealing of tires and no horn, just, "BLAP!".  The injured vehicle was one of my own, a postal truck.  I didn't know the guy though because I was in a different city.  His bumper was turned down at a 90 degree angle and the drivers of both cars seemed okay.  The offending driver will absolutely be paying for all damages as it was without a doubt her fault.  She didn't even try to stop!  Thank goodness that postman was there though because I would have driven out into the intersection and then it would have been a t-bone on my side of the car.

Ouch.

So thanks fellow postman!  That could have been a lot worse.

Dog Days of Summer

In an odd stroke of irony, my post office shares a fence with the neighboring dog park.

Go figure.

Every day I see dogs happily playing in the park, or barking, or fighting, or being yelled at. All typical things at a dog park. But there was one time I saw something out of the ordinary. An old man with his little black dog came to visit the park. The dog, being a newcomer, quickly drew attention and other dogs came over to inspect him. This scared the old man so much that he picked the dog up and dangled it like a piece of meat at arm’s length, trying to keep it away from the curious dogs. That only riled them up and they started bouncing at it like dolphins for a fish. More dogs came. The old man began to shuffle in a circle, arms outstretched, looking for a way out of the doggy mosh-pit, holding his limp dog and turning as if he were showcasing a treat. If that weren’t enough turmoil, his pants began to fall down. Now he’s pulling up his pants with one hand, dangling the dog in his other, shuffling madly to no avail while the canines jump fanatically at the hapless creature who’s probably wishing for a much quicker and less painful death.

It ended very well however, with several people coming to the man’s rescue and helping him leave the park with his dog intact and pants secure.

Just Another Dog Attack

Hey, my first dog attack since I started this blog! I wondered when I'd be writing about one. How coincidental that it would be the same day I put up the post below this one.

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It seems that I meet my adrenaline rush quota every year with no problem. No matter how many times dogs try to put "Basted Leg of Ian" on the menu I still get the jitters after fending them off. Today was no different.

At the end of the day my job was to go and help the new guy. He was struggling with his route since he's only been a carrier for about two weeks. He asked if I could take certain streets, which I did. Lucky for him, he missed out on his first dog attack.

I was minding my own business, walking along, when I saw a brown blur rush me from behind. I dropped my mail bag to calf-height and the pit bull (big surprise) latched on. This would be the umpteenth time my bag has kept me whole.

The owner got the dog, scolded him and put him away. The man and I talked about the indecent, of which he apologized for, and I went on my merry way. Shortly after I could hear him scolding the dog again, but louder and with more cussing, possibly beating it. It was clear why the dog has aggression issues. That, and the fact that it was maced the first time it tried to approach a mailman some time ago.

Fun Fact!
California is the #1 place to be bit by a dog if you're a mail carrier.

Mailmen Have Stories

Boy do we.

When you’re out and about among the community and the elements, things are bound to happen. Talk to any postal carrier and you’re sure to have an interesting conversation. A few things I’ve experienced in my three years as a mailman are dog bites, bug stings, 80 mph winds, 115 degree heat, crazy people yelling at the sidewalk, come-on’s, and countless paper cuts. I’ve also seen a hot pink thong in a mailbox…with the flag up. What could that possibly mean?


A few more extreme cases that happened to my coworkers include finding rabbits, snakes, and cats in mailboxes, running into a loose PACK of aggressive dogs, being attacked with a screw driver, and having naked women answer the door (young and old).

So if you’re looking for someone to chew the fat with, leave your underwear in the mailbox and wait for a knock.

I’ll be sure to post new stories as they happen.

Postal Shoes

Are you tired of walking around with comfortable feet? Do you long for something less than logical to wear in summer? Well you're in luck, the post office has been providing solid black shoes, and only solid black, for years. These babies are darker than night and come in styles like:

Flame On

Sun Walker

Heat Stroke

Cole Bed

Spontaneous Combustion(Quantities Limited)


That's right carriers, your uniform allowance can only buy black shoes anyway, so why not buy from us and get the hottest deals in town!

Ladies Like Legs?

The first summer I became a postman I discovered something very strange. I was going along delivering to a string of businesses on foot when one of the receptionists stopped me and said, "Hey, nice legs.". I sort of laughed a mumbled "thanks" in response and got the heck out of there.

"Was I just womanized???" I thought to myself. Women don't check out men's legs...do they? I was dumbfounded. From that point on women continue to throw out comments on my gams. And it isn't just me, one of my coworkers confirmed that he also hears the same thing.

It just seems strange.

What Will Happen to Our Postmen?

Arguably one of civilization’s oldest handicrafts, the modern day messenger still endures the natural challenges which his forbearers had thousands of years ago; rain, sleet, snow, cold, darkness and dangerous animals. Now one of America’s first jobs faces a new natural challenge…extinction.

The way of the postman is fast becoming a thing of the past. We all know who, rather than what is to blame. The Internet has been making life easier, cheaper and more efficient for a couple of decades and has been rapidly eliminating jobs globally. While going paperless is a fantastic concept, it’s a shame that paper is what USPS relies on.

The postal service hasn’t been in the black for many years. Instead, we’ve been billions of dollars in the red. Solutions are at hand, but will they come soon enough? The five day work week seems promising, yet companies are vying to fill in the vacancy we’d be leaving on Saturdays. Would that be the beginning of the end? Would companies thereafter demand access to the public’s mailboxes claiming that USPS cannot monopolize the market? Would the five day work week turn out to be a slippery slope to disaster for one of the nation’s largest work forces? Let’s hope not.

If the postman doesn’t go extinct, he will be put on the endangered species list.